"Bonds"
by Mayetra & Beryll
~Fahima’s POV~
Sometimes life can be so funny. Yesterday, I went to bed happy and content, but today I am miserable. Everything that was familiar now seems strange to me. I feel isolated and alone. All of this is because of one dream. It wasn’t a good dream but wasn’t quite a nightmare either.
I dreamed about a field. I think I have been there before but I don’t know where it is. Standing in the middle of the field was a woman. She was small, had long black hair, and… well I can’t remember much more than that. There was the faintest melody on the wind and I know that she is singing. I can’t remember the sound of her voice though. The woman is my mother.
I ran toward her, overjoyed at seeing her. I know that when I reach her, she will swing me up in a circle before pulling me into her warm arms and giving me a hug. She will kiss me next. Her scent will envelope me and I will feel loved and safe. But, no matter how hard I tried or how fast I ran, I couldn’t get any closer to her. Her arms were open and she was beckoning to me. I wanted to reach her with a desperation that I have never known before, but I couldn’t.
Then, I woke up. For a moment, I didn’t know where I was, but I soon realized that I was in my master’s chamber. The room was dark and he was slumbering next to me. I knew it was well after the sun had risen because my sudden awakening had not disturbed him. I couldn’t stop shaking and my heart raced so fast that I thought it would burst from my chest. My nightshirt was soaked with sweat and stuck uncomfortably to my body. I could not stop crying. My face was streaked with tears and more fell as I sat there. I felt sick to my stomach and there was a strange pain deep in my heart. I wanted my mother but I knew that I would never see her again.
I don’t know how long I have sat here, but my tears have dried. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness of the room and I look at everything. It dawns on me with a sudden clarity that everything in this room belongs to the man next to me, even my clothing technically are owned by him. Is this my home or am I just a part of his home? I feel like a stranger in this place.
I can no longer bear to sit here contemplating questions that I have no answers for. I want to be away from this room that now seems cold and lonely. I don’t bother dressing, but leave the room quietly.
The hallway beyond the doors is empty. The villa is quiet. Crya appears from the back of the house and tells me that breakfast is ready. She takes me to task for not changing out of my nightshirt but I ignore her. Does she hate me? Does she hate having to care for me?
„Are you ill, Fahima?"
Her hand suddenly covers my forehead. I don’t know how to respond to her. Am I ill? I feel lost mostly. I say nothing.
„You feel a bit clammy. Does your stomach hurt? Fahima?"
She doesn’t really care, a small voice cries out in my mind. Our master makes her act like it but she really doesn’t. I turn from her unable to bear another moment. She calls after me but I ignore her. I hear her calling for Salim as I leave the villa.
The sun is bright but does little to warm the coldness wrapped around my heart. I go to the one being that I know without a doubt loves me – Flower. He is waiting patiently for me by the stable doors and trots towards me as soon as I come within his view. He brays his greeting and nuzzles my shoulder. I hug him with all my might. I am probably squeezing him too hard but he doesn’t complain.
Crossing back across the courtyard with Flower, I notice Salim standing in the doorway of the villa. He watches me from a distance but says nothing. He, like Crya and me, is a slave bound to do our master’s bidding. Does he care or I am a task he must see to every day? My heart is beginning to feel numb and I try not to care either way.
Walking behind the villa, I wander out into the estate. Before long, I find myself at the creek, Flower by my side, faithful as ever. It is the same spot where I fell from the tree and broke my arm many weeks ago. Despite the accident, it has become a favorite spot.
Settling down beside the creek, I stare at the rippled reflection in the water. Long dark hair, wild and tangled, frames a heart shaped face. Eyes shaped like almonds stare dully back at me. They are such a dark brown that they appear to be black pools. Are my eyes like my mother or my father? I cannot remember. Tracing my lips with a finger, I wonder again, where I inherited them. Crya has often commented that I will be a great beauty when I grow up and learn to care about my appearance. Was my mother a great beauty? Is that why my father fell in love with her? I wish I could remember her better.
~Salim’s POV~
Something is eating at the little miss. I have not seen her this upset since our master brought home that viper months ago. I can think of nothing that should be causing her to be so withdrawn and quiet. It is moments like these that I wish I had the gift of reading minds, but I do not, so I can only watch and wait for our master to awaken.
Fahima has said nothing all day. She has simply sat by the creek. Sometimes she stares at herself in the water, her fingers tracing the lines of her face and at others she looks off into the distance.
Crya came near the noon hour with a large basket overflowing with food. She tried to get Fahima to eat something, even tempting her with honey cakes, but the child merely looked away. Crya left the basket after pressing me to try and get the little miss to eat. I nodded to placate her but I knew that Fahima would eat when she was ready to and nothing we did or said would change that.
The sun has dipped below the horizon and the air has become much cooler. The nights have been getting colder and I do not risk allowing Fahima to stay out any longer, especially wearing only her thin nightshirt.
„Time to return to the house, little miss," I tell her gently.
Without a word, she gets to her feet and walks back toward the villa. Her steps are slow as if weighted down by heavy shackles. On the way back, I feel my master stir and the same question enters my mind as it has done since she first entered his life – Fahima?
I replay the events of the day as I always do, there is no need to think about how worried Crya and I are, he already knows that. He gives me no further instructions and simply withdraws from my mind. I am relieved none-the-less, because our master will know what ails the child and how to make it better.
Crya is waiting for us and for the first time ever, Fahima doesn’t complain about having to take a bath. She simply signals to Flower and follows the older woman to the bathing chamber. The little miss is bathed, dressed and has her hair done in record time.
Dinner, however, is another matter. I half expected the child to eat since she refused both breakfast and lunch, but she simply pushed the food around her plate. As soon as she thought I wasn’t looking, she dumped the entire plateful of food out the window where Flower was waiting. It is time for her lessons and she is out of my hands; our master will care for her now.
~Fahima’s POV~
Master is very somber this evening and seems depressed. He doesn’t say much but sits down as if he will start tonight’s lessons. But he doesn’t, he simply sits quietly seemingly deep in thought. I have little time to think of my own woes as I wait, trying unsuccessfully not to fidget.
Finally, he speaks:
„I do not feel up to lessons tonight, little bird. Let’s go for a ride."
He stands and offers his hand. I take it and follow him to the stables. He says nothing as we ride through the city and out into the desert. I am worried now that something is wrong with him. My own pain pales in comparison to this anxiety. Finally, we arrive at our spot near the oasis. We often come here on those rare occasions when my master is feeling playful or simply wants to get away from the villa.
His arms along with his cloak are wrapped tightly around me and I feel comforted for the first time all day. But I cannot relax and enjoy it because I know he is hurting. I simply must find out what is bothering him and do what I can to fix it.
„Master, is something wrong?"
„Do not worry, little one, it will pass."
I am not satisfied with his answer at all. How can he tell me not to worry! It is obvious that something is very wrong. I pat his hand gently to reassure him.
„If something is bothering you, Master, maybe talking about it will make you feel better."
He squeezes me with his arms a bit and kisses the top of my head. „I don’t think you will be able to help… you don’t seem well either."
There is definitely something wrong. Maybe we are both suffering from some dreaded disease that causes bad dreams and lonely feelings. Perhaps he lost a favorite shirt or some money. Maybe he has to get rid of me, like my parents did and now he is sad about it.
„Master, do you have to send someone away? Is that why you are sad?"
I hope he is honest with me. It will be easier if I have time to get used to the idea of leaving.
He chuckles and answers, „No, love, I’m not sending you away."
For a moment, I am shocked by his answer. How did he know I was thinking it was I? Then I remember that he has magic powers and can read minds.
„Then why are you sad, Master? Have your enemies found you?"
He reaches up with his hand and gently strokes my cheek. The simple touch is reassuring in a way I cannot explain.
„I was feeling sad because I realized that you may not be staying with me forever, that at some point you might decided to leave."
I would never do such a thing. Anxious to reassure him, I quickly answer him.
„But I won’t leave you, Master. I will stay with you forever. I promise!"
I look up at him and see that he is smiling sadly.
„You say so now, but you are young. You may change your mind later."
I cannot stop the tears that well up in my eyes. Why can’t he understand that I need him and I would not leave him! If I left him then he would forget what I looked like. He would see me in dreams where I was always just out of reach.
„I won’t change my mind. I won’t! I don’t want you to have a bad dream like me!"
He grip on me tightens and he gently rocks me back and forth.
„Ssh… I won’t leave you either."
„You don’t know that, Master", I cry out in an accusing tone. „One day you will find a new girl, like you did before! Maybe she will be a better girl and you will sell me!"
I cannot catch my breath. I feel like my world is shattering and I cannot stop it. I just want to feel safe. I just want to feel like I belong. He shifts my body so that I am cradled against his chest, my legs draped over one of his thighs. His arms press tightly around me, holding me securely against him. His tone is very serious when he speaks again:
„Fahima, I will never sell you, you cannot be replaced in my heart."
I hear his words but I know better:
„My mommy loved me and she let my papa sell me! Now I can’t remember her anymore. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m just a thing that people get rid of when they don’t want me anymore."
My heart rips in two as I finally speak the words that have haunted me all day. Through my tears and pain, my master never raises his voice. He is calm and that reassures me.
„Your mommy loved you, little bird, she did not want to sell you."
His hand strokes my hair as he adds, „Remember, little bird, she was crying when you left. See?"
Something warm and familiar touches my mind. The memories replay clearly: My mother crying and trying to hold on to me as my father ripped me from her arms. My older brothers standing to one side, the youngest of them crying softly. My father telling my mother that they will starve if he does not sell me. The memories fade again and a new one surfaces. My mother sitting by my bedside singing softly to me, her voice is pure and soft. This one stays and doesn’t fade.
„How can anybody not love a little sunshine like you?" My master asks me softly.
„I don’t know… Do you think Salim loves me or am I a chore?
„Think, little bird, do you think he would always be there for you if he didn’t love you? I require him only to watch you, not to cuddle you, play with you, or be your friend. Don’t you think he would be greatly insulted to learn that you don’t trust in his friendship?"
Shame fills me. Everything my master said is true. Between sniffles, I manage to say, „I thought maybe you made him do those things. I wanted to believe that it was more than that. I’m sorry I didn’t trust him. But Crya hates me. She’s always yelling at me and she wants Flower to go away!"
My master laughs at this statement much to my chagrin. „Tell me, love, do you hate Crya?"
I ponder this for a moment. She can be irritating at times. Is often the one who ruins all my fun but I cannot truly say that I hate her. „No… except when she make me take a bath and when she is mean to Flower. Even then, I only strongly dislike her."
„Then why do you yell at her, fight her when she wants to give you a bath, and have Flower play pranks on her? She must think you hate her, doesn’t she? Have you ever told her that you love her?"
I had not thought I could feel any worse then I did a moment before. „No, I haven’t told her that I love her. I don’t mean to be a bad girl! It’s just… I don’t know why… It’s hard being good all the time!"
My master gives me a smile and brushes away my tears. „I don’t ask you to be good all the time, little princess, but maybe Crya would feel more inclined to give you a hug and a kiss if you returned the favor."
I nod and manage a small smile. I realize that I owe Crya for everything she has done for me and because of all the trouble that I have caused her. „I will do that tonight when we get back, Master. And Salim too."
„That is a wise decision, worthy of a lady and a warrior. Friends and loved ones are your most precious possession, little one, you must always treasure them."
I cannot help but ponder one final question. Where do I fit in? Am I the same as Crya and Salim or am I more?
„Master, did you get me so I could be your little girl because you can’t have children?"
„I got you so you could be my companion throughout the endless nights, to keep you by my side forever. You are my most treasured possession and I will never give you up."
I am greatly reassured by his words. I hug him fiercely and then kiss his cheek.
„Thank you, Master. I feel much better now.
He shows me yet another rare smile before saying, „So do I. What do you say, little bird, shall we be irresponsible tonight and take a ride down by the beach?"
My heart soars at the prospect and I answer with great joy, „Oh yes, Master!"
*~*
Racing along the beach is so much better than lessons. I hope my master decides to be irresponsible more often. I try very hard to stay awake and just manage it.
Back at the villa, I give out my promised kisses, hugs, and I love yous, even as my eyes droop. Strangely, neither Crya nor Salim seems shocked by my professions. They simply smile and whisper, „We know, little miss."
If they said more, I don’t remember for it was at this moment I lost my battle with sleepiness.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Mayetra & Beryll
go to SHOPPING TRIP