"Penance"
by Beryll
Pain. Terrible, searing pain ripping through my body greets me as my conscious thinking sets in like kicked into wakefulness by a god.
I have been in pain before. It has ever been my faithful companion throughout a life of battle. Every warrior knows pain. Every great warrior embraces it as a friend for it tells you that you are still alive.
I am still alive.
Somehow I immediately know I shouldn't be. Clear memory eludes me but I remember the sound of my own flesh being pierced. Heat. The heat of raging fires on my face. Screams of the dying. Screams of the mad.
Troy burned.
Briseis.
Her image rising from the flames like a white light guiding me through darkness.
I love Briseis.
Her eyes wide with terror, her hands shaky as she stroked my face. She was crying. I was dying. Why am I still alive?
Another voice. 'Briseis, we have to go!'
The boy. He, who stole Helen. He, who knew neither courage nor honor. He, who killed me.
"Briseis, give up on it. Stop wasting your time with him!"
Did he say that? I can't remember him saying that.
"NO! His wounds are healing. I will not give up on him now!"
She did not say that.
"He killed Hector! How can you love him? How can you?!"
I do not know this voice. Where am I? I fight to regain control of my body but find something I have never encountered before. I am weak.
Wait. She loves me? She cannot love me. I am a monster. She told me herself. But still she loves me.
Warmth spreads through me. I am alive. She loves me. More. She is here with me.
More of my senses return to me. I feel her cool hands on my brow. Realize the softness my head is resting against must be her lap. And I can smell her hair. That blessed scent of incense and sandalwood and sweetness that is entirely her. The scent that granted me peace.
Again I try to open my eyes and this time I manage.
Bright light blinds me. Above me swims the warm dark shadow that must be her head. Her gentle fingers stroke my cheek and I love her so.
"Stop fighting." Yet another voice. Strong, noble, but harsh. A woman. I hear that deep rooted pain in it. A pain that knows no cure. A pain I know too well. The pain of loss.
The boy answers. "Andromache, how can you let him live? He killed Hector. He is a madman. We can never trust him."
True.
"He came to find me. He loves me!"
Sweet trusting Briseis. How can I ever right the wrongs I have done you? How can I ever dream of repairing the pain I have caused Andromache? Hector's wife. I remember now.
"Pain blinded him. Just like it blinds you now, Paris. Give not in to the same madness that you accuse him of."
So much wisdom in a woman so grievously hurt. Is this why you were afraid, Hector? Is this why you fought with all your heart but not with your mind? Because you mind was with her? With this woman I have never seen and yet already respect. You were a blessed man. Just like I am blessed.
I see Briseis face, the defiant set of her jaw. She will defend me like a lioness defends her cub. And strangely I feel safe. For the first time in my life I feel safe.
My eyes drift shut as nausea overcomes me. I am so tired.
"And what should we do with him?" the unknown voice again.
I feel movement, then another hand touches my face. Not as gently as Briseis ever caressing fingers. It grips my chin, holding it tightly and there is not even enough strength in me to open my eyes.
Then Andromache speaks again, her voice so close I feel her breath on my face. "He will repay his debt. He has taken a husband, taken a father, taken a brother, taken our protector. If he knows any honor, he will know what to do."
And I know.
As my consciousness drift away I finally recognize the path before me.
My mother said I would never return home if I went to Troy. That she would never see me again. She was right.
My honor binds me to these people I called my enemies.
And my heart binds me to Briseis.
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