"Beyond"
Part 2
by Beryll

 

When I awoke, I had no idea where I was, how I had gotten there or even who I was. My mind was totally blank. For quite a while - at least it seemed like quite a while - I was adrift in grey nothingness. It didn't even occur to me, I should be wondering about my state. Then something intruded into my little world. I cannot say if it was a sound from the outside or my mind realizing everything was not as it should be. Who would ever have thought that waking up in your own bed could be the strangest experience imaginable?

I opened my eyes slowly and stared at the ceiling above me, still not really thinking but a cold feeling of dread crept into my heart. Had I just dreamed about meeting Boromir? Had I been right all along and it had just been a very real and very weird nightmare turned into lovely dream? Oh God, how can you be so cruel? I felt like crying.

I turned onto my stomach to press my face into the pillow , stifling desperation. This was just to unfair. Having all you ever wanted and then waking up to find it nothing but spider-web illusions. For the millionth time I cursed Sean for even existing. And immediately felt bad for it. It wasn't his fault after all. He hadn't asked me to fall in love with him. Hadn't encouraged me in any way, had even tried to be understanding and stay friends. How I hated his considerate pity. I laid there for I don't know how long, feeling immeasurably sorry for myself.
But it had been such a wonderful dream. And so incredibly real. I could almost still taste his lips on mine, feel the heat radiating off his body, hear his heart beat in his chest, smell him - musky, strong. What I would give to have that scent on my pillow now. To breathe it every morning, to roll over, wrap my arms around his sleeping form, kiss him awake...

But the too big bed beside me was empty and I was rock-hard. Fuck. I punched the bed in frustration. Maybe if I went back to sleep right away? Maybe I could get back into that dream and at least spend an incredibly passionate night under a star-filled desert sky with him? But I was wide awake.

I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling again, noting all the small spots and cracks that had accumulated over the year. So achingly familiar. Should do some renovating sooner or later, a voice noted in my head and I smiled beside the horrible sadness still clenching my guts. I would just get more and more miserable if I stayed in bed. Better to get up, get a really cold shower and face another day all on my own out here in the wilderness I had picked as me refuge from the bustle of modern life. Maybe do some painting. Maybe I could catch that feeling of safety and protection I had felt with Boromir on canvass? No better write something about it...

I sat up, rubbed my face and then got up. Yes, a cold shower would definitely do wonders to cool my raving passions. How utterly unfair to have a wet dream like that and wake up before it got really interesting.

A little later I was standing in the shower, letting the icy water pummel my body. Somehow my desire had subsided pretty easily and been replaced by a burning wish to scrub off the memory of rough hands holding me down and of the biting marks of the whip on my back.

Normally it took only a couple of minutes for my dreams to recede to fuzzy mists in the light of the morning but this one for some reason clung to my waking mind like a true memory. I had even caught myself staring at my naked body in the mirror, absentmindedly wondering how it had healed so quickly.

Now the cold was seeping into my skin and numbing me to the remembered pain and humiliation. When my fingers started to turn blue I finally cut off the water, rubbed myself dry and then wrapped myself in a thick bathrobe. With chattering teeth I went to the kitchen to make some coffee and to try to return to normality.

A couple of minutes later I walked out onto the terrace in front of my house with a mug of steaming hot coffee to warm my hands. It was still early morning and the sun had just crept over the mountain ridge to blink into the valley sleepily. I raised my mug to it in greeting. The sky was clear and it looked like it would be a very beautiful day. I was considering whether I could risk taking my breakfast on the terrace when a familiar sound interrupted me.

The soft neighing of a horse, sounding decidedly unhappy. For a small moment I wondered how one of my horses could have gotten out of its stable and then - Boromir's horse came around the corner of my house and stopped in front of me to give me the most accusing look I have ever received from a horse. I must have stared at it completely dumbfounded for at least some minutes.

Finally it butted me with its big nose, again whinnying softly. Automatically I started to caress it still thinking blanks. The first thought that surfaced at last was 'It must be hungry and thirsty, having been in the desert so long'. And then realization hit me. If Boromir's horse was here - and there was no doubt to that as I was still touching it - then it had not been a dream. I had really been in Middle-Earth. Boromir had really kissed me.

My heart skipped several beats. My mind filled with an endless stream of pictures of Boromir and I in all kinds of pleasant... situations. I swam in a sea of hopeful, rose-colored fantasies like a school boy who is in love with his teacher. And just as suddenly was yanked out of them by that sweet little voice in my head.

'Yeah, sure he is going to love you for stealing his horse and leaving him all alone in the desert' it said. I opened my eyes, which I hadn't even noticed closing and stared at the horse again, which still looked at me accusingly. It was true. The horse was here but there was no sign of Boromir.

With a deep groan I leaned my head against the long face of the horse. And I had thought it a cruel joke to wake up with my visit to Middle-Earth being only a dream. It seemed the powers that be had a lot more in store for me. The horse drew away and snorted derisively. I couldn't blame it. It probably thought I had stolen it, as well.
"I am really sorry." I told it. "But I have no idea what is going on either." The horse somehow managed to look as if it didn't believe me. Maybe it had come here with Boromir and just thrown him off? But it didn't even wear a saddle and Boromir's pack was missing as well. At least he had the water and provisions that had been in the pack, I thought. Or maybe that had landed somewhere else...

All sorts of horrible possibilities presented themselves to me. Only one night had passed here while I had been in middle-earth for several days. So it was quite possible that Boromir had already died of thirst or the heat. Or maybe he had been recaptured by the slavers. Or he had somehow survived and was now looking for me with murder on his mind. Or he had gotten to my world but to who knows where and was in all kinds of trouble because he couldn't cope with the modern world.

The horse butted me again, looking clearly dissatisfied. I took its bridle and led it over to the stables. No use standing there wallowing in desperation. Whatever had happened was beyond my control. As my whole life seemed to be at the moment. But I could at least get the horse some shelter. It must be freezing in the chill morning air, when it had spend so much time in the desert.

The stable was much bigger than I actually needed for the two horses I kept. One was the horse I had ridden during the filming in New Zealand as Aragorn. The other was an old lame mare I had picked up on a stroke of pity. It had belonged to one of those frilly Hollywood actresses you meet at those frilly Hollywood parties I usually avoid. But when I had been down to California visiting Elijah and Liv they had dragged me to a lot of them.

This actress had been loudly complaining about her horse, which was not good for anything anymore and that she was going to shoot it herself. What could I do but save the poor creatures to give it a much earned peaceful retirement?

My own horses watched curiously, as I led the 'stranger' into the stable. I put it into one of the empty boxes and got some water and hay for it. Then I watched, as it happily munched on the feed, still throwing me occasional, distrustful glances. What an unfriendly horse, I thought. And very ungrateful. If it could only tell me what had happened to it. Tell me what had happened to Boromir.

With a sigh I turned to go back to the house, when I realized I was still wearing my bathrobe and house-shoes, covered in mud now. I looked down at them with a sort of grim satisfaction. They had been last years Christmas gift from Exene. Very uncomfortable and ugly to boot. I had no idea, why I had been wearing them all that time. Self-mutilation probably. Another thing to constantly feel bad about. I kicked them off and just left them in the stable. Now where had I left that mug of coffee? I really was too absent-minded for my own good.

I found it still resting on the rail of the terrace, now cold of course. This definitely was not my morning. Maybe I should try to go back to sleep. Might be safer. But the thought of Boromir was nagging at my mind. Curse my vivid imagination. There were all kinds of pictures in my head, from his rotting body lying in the sun, getting picked clean by vultures, to him being arrested for god knows what in the middle of New York. And I was certain all this was my fault.

Ridiculous. I know.

Something Ian had told me a while ago came to my mind: 'Viggo, the weight of the world does not rest on your shoulders. You are not Aragorn. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a life.' Of course he didn't know I had fallen in love with Sean. Maybe I should have told him. Maybe he would have had a bright idea about that as well. Maybe I should just get my freezing butt inside and get another mug of coffee.

So I repeated the whole process: went inside, got another coffee, came back outside, looked at the sky, wondered if I should have breakfast outside. And bingo – another interruption showed up. This one a little less extraordinary.

A loud honking caught my attention and then the Kate's jeep rounded the corner of the track leading up to my house. She was the ranger keeping an eye on the woods that I had chosen to take refuge in. She came by occasionally to get a coffee and sit in companionable silence. I liked her for not wanting to talk. It was nice to have a human being around that did not disturb the peace of my house. Right now, however I didn't feel like company at all.

Then I noticed there was a person in the passenger seat. And then my heart stopped beating and I almost fell off my own terrace. The jeep stopped in front of the house and Kate got out, while the man in the passenger seat had a curious look around, then turned to me and showed the most dazzling smile I had ever received in all my life. I just stared in mute shock.

Kate came up to me, completely oblivious of my state. "Morning, Viggo." she said. "I found your friend here wandering lost in the woods. Thought you'd be glad to have him back." With an incredible effort I managed to tear my eyes from Boromir, who was getting out of the jeep as well, and walking up to the terrace with a calm as if he owned the place.

"Thank you." I somehow managed. She smiled. "No prob. As long as he doesn't fall into a pond and has to be rescued like the guy you had over last year..." She was referring to Orli, who had insisted on swimming in one of the icy lakes up here and had almost drowned, when the cold had frozen him solid. No, this one will most certainly not need your help in surviving in the wilderness, I thought feeling slightly hysterical. But I should make sure he doesn't hunt one of your bears.

Boromir had come up onto the terrace and was watching me. For some reason there was a bit of insecurity in his eyes now. He cocked his head slightly, looking just adorable. And so damn... manly in the same moment. My blood was suddenly leaving my brain in a rush and I had to yank my concentration back to Kate, who was still standing there waiting for an answer.

"I'm sure I can take care of him." I said. Oh... that sounded one hell of a lot more seedy than I had intended it. And Kate had definitely noticed, for she was raising an eyebrow looking from me to Boromir and back. "I see..." she grinned. "Then I do not want to intrude any more..." She gave me a mock salute with two fingers and turned back to her jeep. "See you around." she called over her shoulder, got in, turned the jeep in two smart moves and drove off. I stared after her for a moment, somehow not daring to turn around for fear he would not be there. Or fear he would be there? It took all of my courage to look at him.

He looked... strange. He was not wearing the heavy leather breeches and armor he had in the desert. Instead he was dressed in simple jeans and a green sweater. Much more like Sean. But at the same time much more different than before. In these clothes, with the difference in his stance, with his long hair – still dirty, maybe even a bit dusty – with his more weathered face all that just jumped out at me, screaming Boromir. No, I had no trouble recognizing him at all.

I just stared at him for what seemed like hours, drinking in the sight. He didn't seem to know what to say either. Just stood there waiting for me to make any move. "I... uhm... found your horse." Had I really said that? My god! The effect he was having on me would have frightened me, had I been able to think clearly.

But all the uncertainties suddenly left his face and that bright smile made a reappearance. "Good." he said. And scratches his beard a bit sheepishly. "I was not sure, you knew me... I mean... I... uhm... are you okay?" Was I okay? No. I was most certainly much more than okay. I was deliriously happy. So happy I was close to fainting. "Yeah, sure... I'm fine..." What a ridiculous conversation. Why don't you just tell him...? Tell him what? That I think I am madly in love? I don't even know if I am...

"Why don't you come inside?" Another typical phrase feeling completely out of place. But I was suddenly feeling rather exposed, out here on the terrace, wearing only my old bathrobe and a mug of coffee... My bathrobe... oh good heavens... I must look utterly stupid to him. Well, I would worry about that later, because he was opening the door to my kitchen, going inside, oblivious to the hurricane of thoughts wreaking havoc in my head. Was there nothing that could disturb him? Obviously not.

He stood in the middle of my kitchen, waiting for me. Waiting for me! What a wonderful thought. "So uhm... how did you get here?" I asked. Finally, I'd uttered a useful question. He shrugged, again smiling at me. "I have no idea really. I must have fallen asleep while watching over you. And when I woke up, it wasn't hot and dry anymore but wet and cold."

I nodded and was about to ask how exactly he had managed to find me, when he continued. "So I just wandered through the woods for a bit, wondering what may have happened. Then I came to a sort of path... more like a street actually. Never seen one in the wilderness before... Anyway, I was standing there wondering about it, when this woman in the noisy, smelly thing came by." The what...? Oh, the jeep. "She stopped and asked if I was lost. Nice girl actually. Seems to be some sort of soldier or something...?" He looked for confirmation at me and I nodded. Yeah... sort of... I thought.

"So I said yes, I was lost. And as the only person I had met lately, telling me about waking up in a different world was you... I asked her if she happened to know you.." He really was a bright boy. I was rather certain, that I wouldn't have managed to think of that. "She said, sure, you lived nearby and if she should take me back there. I think, she thought I was staying with you anyway. So..." he spread his arms, "here I am."

I just caught myself before I could jump into his opened arms and crush the breath out of him. Instead I breathed in deeply and actually managed a rather calm smile of my own. "Well, I still have no idea whatsoever what this world-wandering is about, but you are certainly welcome to stay with me." I said and this time I was pretty satisfied with my phrasing. No seedy connotations this time.

He looked around the kitchen, clearly impressed and confused at the same time. "Is this your house?" he asked. I nodded. "Your family must be quite wealthy." he mused, moving over to the counter and looking at the toaster curiously. He raised a hand, as if to poke it but then thought better and let his hand sink down again. "Your world seems to be very different from mine." he said softly and suddenly he looked a bit lost and I felt the urgent need to reassure him.

"It is very different." I said. "But you were rather lucky to arrive around here. I actually live pretty far away from civilization. Nobody will bother you here." Great. That sounded as if I was imitating a really bad Dracula, telling my prey nobody would hear him scream. But he had other things on his mind.

"You mean you live out here all alone?" he asked, turning to me again. "Don't you have any servants?" I had to grin. "Naw, what needs doing I do myself and modern life does have its good sides. You'll see. Just don't worry." The longer he was there, the more tension seemed to drain out of me, leaving just a fuzzy feeling of contented happiness in the pit of my stomach.

He raised an eyebrow, but smiled all the same. "I guess I will have to trust you on that. And a lot of other things." How was I to tell him I would rather hack of my own arm than harm him, without sounding totally stupid? So I just shrugged. "Guess so. Now... would you like some breakfast? Before you arrived I was about to make some for myself anyway."

Now he nodded enthusiastically and I heard his stomach grumble in an even more definite answer. He sat down at the kitchen table and for a while watched me, as I moved food from the fridge to the counter to make beacon and scrambles eggs. When I put bread into the toaster and it popped up filling the kitchen with the smell of warm bread, he suddenly laughed happily. "The hobbits would sure as hell kill for one of those things." he explained, when I looked at him questioningly.

I smiled too, suddenly remembering the filming in New Zealand and how Peter had complained that his hobbit actors were getting "too much into the act". They had all gained some pounds during the first month of filming, until Peter had put them on a strict diet.

"Probably." I agreed. "Can I help you with anything?" Boromir asked. I could not really picture him cooking so I told him where plates could be found and so we prepared breakfast in companionable silence. He helped himself to a mug of coffee when he was finished setting the table and again sat there, alternating between suspiciously sniffing the steaming hot black liquid and watching me.

"You can put some sugar or milk into it, if it is too bitter." I said, when I put bacon and eggs on the table and poured another mug of coffee for myself. "I like it black and strong but most people think it's horrible the way I drink it." He finally tasted the coffee and wrinkled his nose in distaste. "A bit like the root tea Aragorn used to make, when we were on our way to Caradrass." he decided. "He always said it was very healthy but I didn't believe a word of it."

I grinned. "Actually this stuff is anything but healthy. Gives you premature heart attacks. Or so they say. And it's highly addictive." He looked rather surprised at that, but then he grinned as well. "One more reason to get into it." And with that he started heaping sugar into his mug, till I thought there must be more sugar than coffee. When he tasted it again, he hummed contentedly. "Much better."

I mostly watched him eat, only nibbling on a small bit of toast. It was just enjoyable to watch how he put the food away. Halfway through his third helping of bacon and eggs, he looked at me again, frowning. "Are you not going to eat?" he asked, around a mouthful. I shrugged. "I don't eat much in the morning." I explained. And I really was not feeling very hungry. Not only had the marks of the whip disappeared from my body but also all the other unpleasant feelings like hunger and thirst. A great relief really.

That was when I remembered, that Boromir had also been beaten. "Are you okay?" I asked. "I mean, all my wounds disappeared, when I woke up back here. Yours as well?" He swallowed his mouthful of bacon this time, before he answered. "Yeah, really nice feature of this world-wandering business, isn't it. Although I would very much like to wash off all this dirt and dust. Seems that somehow all that came with me. Is there a stream nearby, where I could wash after breakfast? I didn't see a well outside...?"

I blinked at him and then smiled again. Seemed I was doing that a lot since he had walked into my house. More than I had done in the last year, probably. My face was already starting to feel funny. But what the hell. "You can just use the bathtub." I answered his question. "And don't worry about the water, I have something like a stream running through the house... With heated water."

He raised a curious eyebrow, got another bite out of his toast and chewed thoughtfully. "Sounds like something the dwarves would build." he commented after careful consideration. I nodded. "Something like that. I think you'll like it." He nodded enthusiastically. "Sure will, if it involves hot water. I always felt guilty when I had the servants bring up hot water to my rooms at home. Too many stairs. But I did love the water heating things they had in Rivendell. One of the very few things I liked about Rivendell." He frowned at his plate and I wondered what was going through his head.

When he noticed my curious looks, he shrugged. "Never mind. Was probably just me. Too many aloof elves with their heads in the clouds, only considering their eternal problems, not noticing the unimportant little problems of a mortal's realm." I was about to open my mouth to say something in the defense of the elves – seems Aragorn has still not completely left me – when he raised a hand in silent surrender.

"Of course they turned out to be right in the end. Not arguing that. It just was so irritating to be treated like a querulous child, when you had spend all of your life fighting orcs, while they were sitting safe and warm in their little hideout." He sighed deeply and pushed his empty plate back.

His eyes were filled with a mixture of longing and haunting memories and something I could not quite identify, when he looked at me again. "And of course there was Aragorn as well." he added softly and I felt a stab of jealousy. He seemed to notice, because he quickly suppressed the emotions showing in his eyes and put on a more cheerful expression. "So how about that bath?" he asked, changing the subject just a bit to awkwardly to let me believe that his feelings for Aragorn or Elessar were so easily forgotten.

But I did not want to force the subject, as the words he had spoken to me right before I fell asleep in that desert came back to me. 'He wants to get to know me', that's what he had said. And I was more than willing to give him all the time he needed to do that. As long as he arrived at a favorable conclusion. And damn me if I wouldn't help that along.

 

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Beryll

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